By BlkMasterV
Recently I had run into this topic head on. It’s something that I think everyone in the various lifestyles encounters, usually more than once. In fact, given enough time communication fails several times over the years.
It’s not that a relationship has gone bad, or that anyone is doing anything wrong. Everyone may very well be doing everything within the boundaries of that relationship. But because of a lack of communication, even the most innocent of acts will go badly.
I think there are a couple of reasons this happens. There is the case where the 2 partners have been together for so long that they assume things based on their knowledge of the other. This can be as simple as
“Well she knows that this woman is my type so she will know I am going to pursue her.”
Or
He knows that I can handle the quirts and flogger normally, but that I sprained my back a day ago so he shouldn’t use them on my back.”
These are innocent assumptions, but the results can be far from what we expect. As a Swinger lack of communication can cause jealousy, or feelings of rejection. In BDSM, it can cause severe injury or worse.
A lack of communication could be because one party does not want to embarrass another. Or because there could be a difference in expereince levels and communication is taken for granted. It could be an oversight.
No matter the reason, it can and will happen to you. It likely has in the past and will again in the future. Whether you are a newbie, or an old pro. And it may not have cause an issue, that time. But eventually it will.
The solution is to take the time to speak with your partner on a regular basis. To discuss the rules and boundaries before you play. To even speak about these things even when you just have an idea. And a critical part of that is to be clear.
I know of a friend that mentioned having drinks. But to one person that means out at a bar. To another it means dinner and drinks. To yet another it might mean out at a resturant or at home. The lack of clarification is the key here.
99% of the time it may not be a big deal. It may be something that is discussed more fully after the events have happened. But even 1% of the time it can lead to the unpleasant feelings that the Swinger and BDSM lifestyles are not about.
In the extreme there are other worries that lack of communication can bring. Such as having an up-to-date HIV and /or STD test. This is a big one.
I can’t tell you how many people I know in BDSM and Swinging that are unaware of their status for HIV or STD’s. It’s not that they are not careful in their partners, or that they have done anything to be at risk. At least that they know of.
Too many just assume that they haven’t done anything to bring risk to them. They accept that they mentioned they are tested and seek the same in a profile or in a conversation. Thus any partners will equally have done so. But that is an assumption, not a fact.
Too many believe that since they had a test a year, or 5 years, ago they are still ok. They assume others are ok for the same reason. They might assume that if they or their partner has been inactive, or is a newbie, that they are ok as well. Again this is not factual just because you think it.
Communication is always something that is so basic we all forget it from time to time. But by being diligent, making it a part of our routine, we all have better experiences in BDSM and Swinging.
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